back <<

birdie HE CARETH FOR YOU - a testimony

"What shall I render unto the LORD for all His benefits toward me?  I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD.”  (Psalm 116:12,13)

cup

How can I repay the LORD for all that He has given me?  I rejoice in the answer the psalmist gives, because it speaks of the abundant giving nature of God, for whom the greatest gift we can give is to receive, and to call on Him, to reach for Him, to accept from Him the water of life given freely as a gift, to drink from His cup.

For me, receiving salvation and forgiveness from God was both a one-time experience, starkly and unmistakably dividing a lost life from one that was redeemed, and is also an ongoing unfolding experience with ever-deepening levels of submission and reward.

Many years ago I had an abortion and I had an almost-abortion.  These seemed necessary to sustain a lifestyle whose central motive was to “exercise my sexual freedom”, in the words of the day, and to insulate my sexuality from consequence. 

My world was shaken by the abortion, and God stepped forward to speak to me in a most unlikely way.  As I left the abortion clinic, shattered by the brutality of the act I had just engaged in, through tears my eyes were drawn to a small metal button on the ground just next to my car door. 

It was the kind of button you pin on your lapel, and this one looked like it had been driven over and trampled on for a decade or so.  It pictured a mother bird sheltering baby birds under her wings, and singing the words, “He careth for you.”  Long before I was able to “take the cup of salvation” or “call upon the name of the LORD”, I got my first instruction into His divine nature.  Inasmuch as those four words were an invitation to receive comfort during that dark time, I took what was offered and began to lean on God.

nest

Texas

Even then I was unable to conduct my life differently, and I soon became pregnant again and found myself in the waiting room of another abortion clinic.  This time, however, something had changed.  For one thing, there were ladies praying for me in a little huddle outside the clinic.  I had done my best to ignore them as I came in.

The doctor was an hour behind schedule, by the mercy of God, and during that hour I found a willingness to give up my plans and make a place for this child in my life.  Just as I was getting my $100 back from the receptionist, my boyfriend ran in hoping against hope that it wasn’t too late, because his heart had undergone a change during that hour also.

I received my marriage proposal while driving away from an abortion clinic in Corpus Cristi, Texas, and this year I celebrate 28 years of marriage to the father of that precious son and a beloved daughter who completed our family.

Jesus teaches Peter that one who is forgiven much loves much.  I am that one who has been forgiven much and I treasure the mercy and amazing saving grace I found in Jesus.  But I couldn’t look at my abortion without seeing the almost-abortion, because the child that came so close to perishing was born and grew to be a wonderful boy.  His list of accomplishments is part of his story and mine.  He is a very gifted grad student at Yale Law School, happily married and the father of two beautiful children, and through his prayers, alongside those of my husband and daughter, I was emboldened to ask Jesus into my heart.  Seeing my son’s wonderful life was a stinging reminder of the potential that I came so close to destroying in him, and did destroy through the abortion.

Jesus offered me forgiveness for the abortion and the almost-abortion when He gave His life as the sacrificial Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world.  It took time even after coming to live for Him before I was able to receive the offered forgiveness, and truly dwell in a Kingdom free of condemnation.  I judged my debt to be unpayable. 

In preparing a teaching at my church on forgiveness, I came up with the following statement:  “When we do not forgive, we place ourselves on the judge’s bench instead of submitting to God’s authority as judge.  This is a form of vanity and idolizing the self that allows us to cling to the sweet savor of vengeance, instead of trusting that the Lord is a just and perfect judge.  Vengeance, the bible says, is the Lord’s.“ 

Was I willing to let go of the familiar old companion, the habitual self-condemnation?  One day I made the choice to include my own name on the list of people I needed to forgive.

agnus dei

Then as the Holy Spirit gave me insight, I further understood that Jesus' work of forgiveness is perfect, whole and complete, so that even questions of self-forgiveness began to fall away.  Jesus forgave, and that was all that mattered.

What then shall I render unto the LORD for all His benefit toward me?  I will acknowledge Him as the One who gives good and perfect things, and honor Him by receiving what He offers; I will take the cup of salvation.  And I will acknowledge Him as the One who answers; I will call upon the name of the LORD.


"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”  (1Peter 5:7)


Home

top^^